Get up and stub your toe on the way to the bathroom as the alarm is going off, do a quick 10 minute shower only to realize after you have gotten out and started the hair doing process that you've neglected to rinse your conditioner out....so back to the john, rinse it out, now you're running late ok...no worries cause you picked out the night before what you're going to wear. Damn it...I wore these pants a while ago and they fit just fine! Camel toe? how , how did this happen, rethink the bottom half of the outfit, think , think damn it! So off you go to make the coffee and get things rolling , back upstairs to get dressed and finish the lid, trot back downstairs to discover one of the dogs has barfed all over a piece of furniture and now the coffee maker is overflowing. Oh Joy!
So off to work you go, finally, albeit late but that's okay cause you'll use your secret "shit Im gonna be late" shorcut!! hahaaaha!!! the shortcut to avoid all the dippy slow , crappy drivers bogging up the arteries of the city with their crappy , slow ass driving, like they have all day and super understanding bosses so why should they rush? So shorcut good, going well, zipping along and boom....school bus 12 o'clock....kid with crutches, this will never do!! So side street maneuver, into the back alley down to the main intersection and you are minutes away! Okay, pulling into the parking lot after hitting every red light possible in the three remaining blocks to your office and now there is some person, farting around...looking for change , with their vehicle parked blocking the entrance while they try to procure their parking chit!!!! AARRGGHH !!!
Well you've made it thus far and nothing wrong with stopping to take a deep breath ,practice a mantra or two, examine your fingernails for dirt, check for stray nose hairs....try really hard not to say out loud ( hurry up you stupid moron!) and finally they get the hell out of the way and you are in a stall and parked in a maneuver that would make Andretti nod and raise his eyebrows with approval as you make a three second dash to your desk which is actually at least 5 minutes away.
Ahhh so ya made it, no one says too much at all and doesn't really notice you happen to be 15 minutes late, not bad considering, however there is always the one dork who comes around the corner to say "Hey ya made it!" ya whatev dork , good morning dork, now go away dork before I stab you with a pencil! So la la la, day progresses , things go wrong, paper jam in the photo copier, print the wrong files, send them to the wrong printer, realize you've printed a receipt for online shopping at Iloveshoes.com to bosses printer and he is kind enough to deliver it to your desk....
Yay , you made it through lunch with only a minor splotch of something red down the front of your shirt, but that's okay, only a mere 3 1/2 hrs left of this monotony. You can do it!!!! ahhh heavy sigh....until your calendar sends that reminder of the oh so important task you forgot. The task that you have been putting off and putting off and now it can be put off no longer. Damn it! Oh well, at this point you resign yourself to getting it started and see how far you can get only to realize you have deleted all pertinent documents when you were trying to destroy all evidence of online shopping on the work time!! Well, 3 hrs later and a multitude of F bombs you realize it's not so bad and you should be done on time. Alright I think i have time for a quick wiz , oh....the closet bathroom is closed for cleaning, okay upstairs to the 3rd floor. What closed for cleaning as well? huh? finally across to the other side of the building , heavy sigh of relief only to look down and realize you've put your underwear on inside out. No biggie cause really this is when you go to zip up and the lace gets stuck in your zipper and your zipper breaks as you try to force it and you really wish you would have brought a sweater or something longer and some kind person outside your stall says with a certain amount of concern "are you alright?" and your only reply you can get out is .....OH, Im just having one of those days!!!!
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